I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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