Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
