He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
