I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
love makes seman taste better
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
