she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
