I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
