do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
