you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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