I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
