If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
