Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
