First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
