It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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