can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
