that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
