The maid of honor just puked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
