Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
