i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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