i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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