Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
