i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
