do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
