look no pants
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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