On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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