OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
