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• (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

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• (585): View more from New York

  She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

  (585): View more from New York

  Aren't divorce parties fun?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You and I have very different definitions of fun.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

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• (805): View more from California

  100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall

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• (845): View more from New York

  i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!

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