sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize