Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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