Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
