Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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