I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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