I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
