you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
