is your mom at the bar?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
