woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
