I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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