what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
