Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
