this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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