YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
