You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you win again, gameday.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
