end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my phone needs a breathalizer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
