how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
