Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
