she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm really busy with my period
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