I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
