This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
