Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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