I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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