why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
