At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
