What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
