I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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